You couldn’t make it up. From today’s Times:
Police are looking for two female pensioners suspected of stealing a portrait of the actor Steve McQueen. The 6ft by 4ft painting was taken from the Bullitt Hotel in Belfast on Sunday evening. One of the women, who used a Zimmer frame, [my emphasis] was seen carrying it away, but they found that it was too big to fit into their car. It was discovered with slight damage outside a nearby restaurant.
We can safely assume the police aren’t ‘looking’ too hard, given their focus on arresting innocent men following women’s false allegations of rape and domestic violence. We can but hope that CCTV footage of the ladies’ bungled attempts to fit the painting into their car becomes available online.
In the unlikely event the pair are arrested and charged, they’ll surely received suspended sentences on the grounds of women’s poor spatial awareness. No men would steal paintings too big to fit into their cars. Rookie mistake.